Updates...

Every single day of the last few weeks has been spent pondering the what-ifs. I continue to ask myself why this continues to happen; why me?

My mantra: God does not hand us anything more than he/she thinks we can handle.
I truly believe this to be true because thus far even in my shattered state I am OK.

I am sure there have been questions regarding my pulling away, not calling as much, my distance. I want to assure you all that I am as I always have been OK. I am just having a very difficult time processing everything that has happened, all of the new information I have stumbled across and am trying to figure out what to do with it all.

Thursday last week I met with a fabulous team of doctors to discuss our options and begin a battery of testing to try and get some answers.

The took many vials of blood to send out for genetic testing, hormone testing, infection testing. The scariest of these being the genetic testing because I honestly am not sure I want to know if either of us or both carry certain genetic abnormalities for the simple fact that there is a plan in place for all of us. If I am meant to give life to a child which by society's standards happens to be "less than perfect" so be it. I will embrace that child and love him/her no differently than I would a perfectly healthy "normal child"

Hubby has to go and have a test of his own which is nothing less than mortifying for him, I am sure- but all angles need to be analyzed and it is nothing less than absolutely necessary. Check your modesty at the door babe, there is no turning back now.

As f0r me, next month I will have some more testing and hopefully soon we will have an answer and by this time next year I will have another child. Perfect or not- another child to give the world to.

All I ask is for a few extra prayers and support in this difficult endeavor.

Until next time...