Lack of Filter...

Have you ever said something and instantaneously regretted what you said mere nanoseconds after you said it? For someone like me who seriously lacks that filter we at times desperately need the sort of thing that just happened has happened to me before. But- for someone generally even tempered and mindful of what they speak (AHEM- Hubby) this sort of thing doesn't usually happen. ESPECIALLY not when talking to our 3 1/2 year old.

I didn't have the privilege of hearing the entire conversation, but picture bed time with an over tired nap deprived child who has been showing signs of extreme exhaustion for the last several hours and is one more meltdown away from institutionalizing the maternal half of the family unit tromping across the floor in semi meltdown mode muttering something about daddy not giving her enough chocolate in her sippy cup. They banter back and forth and he is mistaking her "banter" for playful when really she was reenacting Mama's full on bitch mode very poorly.

Daddy says- "stop being a smart ass and get upstairs" to which she retorts "Daddy called me a SMART ASS" in the most annoyed fashion she could muster. Unfortunately I began laughing and Daddy yelled at her.
I imagine if you could unscramble the WHABABAGAGAGAGAGAG that was coming out of her mouth you would hear her say "Daddy called me a smart ass and then he yelled at me"

Maybe you had to be there to grab the tone and get how funny this was, but I found it very humorous and am still laughing about it.

This end of the blogosphere has been mute lately. Contrary to popular belief I do not always talk just to hear myself speak, just as I do not write just to read my own words. Truth be told, my head has a lot of things spiraling around in it these days, I just haven't had the time to sit down and spill them out, and for the first time in my life am not just spilling things out because I am certain not everything I have to say would be received well, and most is of private matter that should not be put out there for all the world to see as if we were on some sort of talk show.

I am doing well, the girls and Hubby are great and each day is crazier than the last. Michelle will be four soon, and will be starting pre-school in the fall, Sophia is just about 5 months old now and getting so big!

In the News-

Leave Michael Jackson and his family alone. The man died for gods sake. People die every day. He may or may not have been a child molester, he was a father, he was a fantastic musician who died of an overdose. How many people die of overdoses every single day? Let the man rest and leave his family alone!

The media whores who sensationalise and carry out the most ridiculous of stories completely stepped over the fact that Farrah Fawcette died the same day AND it was my Hubby's birthday! But move over everyone- there. has. been. an. overdose. in HOLLYWOOD! Add this news to the recent deaths of Anna Nicole Smith, Heath Ledger, David Caradine, any other valuable lives shortened because of substance abuse. It's tragic, but it is reality and until doctors who abandon their Hippocratic oath searching for a quick buck are prosecuted there will be more names- it is only a matter of time.

What about all of the other untimely deaths lately? Billy Mays- Infomercials will never be the same, Ed McMahon- I guess I will never get that sweepstakes check now, Walter Cronkite- Journalism pioneer, Gary Papa, Dom Deluise and I am sure there are others Ive missed. My point is- people die every single day, all kinds of causes, all ages- just let them be.

I also don't care that Chelsea Clinton may or may not be getting married in August and that is why the president is taking a vacation. Do YOU have to tell everyone in the world why YOU are taking a vacation? Who cares?!?

Last but not least- leave the Gosselins alone! Yes it is unusual to have 8 kids these days, but it isn't unusual that a marriage ends in divorce. It is much less common these days for a marriage to actually LAST. For the kids sake- back off. leave them alone to grieve and move on.

This ends my rant. I'm done hearing myself speak and am going to bed!

Until next time...

Confidential to you know who- It has been a month, have you thought at all yet about my point of view? have you given thought to anything I said or did my words fall on deaf ears?

Diary entry...

It's been a week since we've talked. Sometimes we go this long without talking because were busy. This time however, it seems final- seems like it will be ages before we talk again because stubbornness gets in the way. Damned stubborn tendencies I refuse to shake.

I am determined to stand my ground for my sake and for that of my children.
I feel like my siblings are being manipulated because they've ceased to talk to me as well. One feels "caught in the middle"
I didn't ask you to choose sides. I said my piece, I'm done.

I just hope it doesn't take an act of god to make things better.
Until next time...
Sent on the Now Network� from my Sprint® BlackBerry

Determined to bite this ear off!

The little "little" is teething. Our favorite teether is by Vulli "Sophie la Giraffe" doesn't she look determined to bite off her ear?
Thank god for organics!
Sent on the Now Network� from my Sprint® BlackBerry

Before I was a Mom...

Mother's day was this weekend past. Last week I received a poem via email entitled "Before I was a mom" This tribute to Moms and babies everywhere has been on my brain and has had me thinking about just how much becoming a Mom has changed Michael and I. With each day that has passed since last Sunday I've thought of yet another thing that changed me/us. I can happily and honestly say that all of these "things" are changes that I would not give up for the world if it meant that my beautiful little girls would be anywhere but here, with me turning me grey.
For each passing day enriches me just a little more making me grow to appreciate the small things because the little things ARE in fact the big things and in time those "little things" slip away too.

My girls are growing more rapidly every day. I am completely amazed with just how quickly they do grow. Carpe Diem! il ya juste un peu de temps. (Seize the day! There is just a little time)

Here is my version of "Before I was a Mom"

There was a time where I was able to drop everything and run. I could meet a friend, go to a bar, go shopping alone... Now that I am Mom there are times where I do go shopping alone, rare times- but I find myself hurrying to get home or buying things for the children that I needed a small break from.

Before I was a Mom I probably couldn't name children's movies playing in the theater. Now I know start dates and jingles months before the big screen debut. The same goes for the latest toy, children's book or video game.

There was a time when I loved to sleep in. Now when I sleep in I wake up panic stricken because it is quiet and I'm scared of what I may find written on the walls, spilled on the carpet, soapy, wet. Yet when I find they're still sleeping I have to stop and watch for breath. Before I was a mom...

There was a time when I loved to watch the news. I needed to know what was going on in the world around me because it made me feel connected. No one ever told me that once I had a child watching the news would take on a whole new meaning and that I could no longer watch without sheer horror. What kind of world did I choose to bring children into? Before I was a mom I could watch missing children stories and be virtually unaffected- now they make me cry. I can't turn the channel because it is like seeing a train wreck and praying there are survivors. Your breath stops, your heart beats faster, you don't blink- you just pray.

There was a time when I could listen to any song I wanted, watch any television program... Now I find myself cringing at daytime TV when I forget to turn off the television. and only listening to Radio Disney because the music is edited for content. When you have a three year old sponge you do these things to save embarrassment because they just don't know that the catchy tune they heard this morning is laden with bad words.

Before I was a mom I didn't know what it was like to watch a baby learn to walk and hurt for them every single time they fell.

Before I was a mom I didn't read labels for nutritional content, check which country my produce came from or pay attention to the consumer product safety commissions latest set of recalls.

Before I was a mom I planned weekends around friends and social events not activities, nap times or meals.

Before I was a mom I had no idea how wonderful being a parent would be. I never knew you could love something/someone as much as you can love a bald, drooling, poop machine. I never knew a person could steal my heart before I officially met them. Before I was a mom I never understood the hell a woman goes through to have a child. I knew nothing of the heartache one can endure to be called "Mommy"

Before I was a mom I lived for My husband and myself. Once I became Mom I found a new love for my husband. A love I did not know came with being a parent. No one tells you beforehand that when you see the love of your life hold your baby for the first time that it's like falling in love all over again. No one tells you that your world really does begin all over again. Husband and Wife become Mommy and Daddy and it is a whole new world; a world even better than it once was and forever changed.

No one ever told us we would sit at home after our children were in bed and wonder what life was like before there were littles running around. No one told us that Friday nights at the bar would be replaced with take out and a good movie and that this was something we would look forward to. No one ever told us that we would enjoy a quiet night at home so much.

I can remember someone once telling us that there were at the least- three years of diaper changes ahead. I can remember cringing at the thought, but what I was not prepared for was the day I realized that diapers weren't needed anymore. A bittersweet day because this meant our baby was growing one day closer to no longer needing me.

Before I was a mom I did not know what it was like to have my heart living outside of me. I didn't know what it was like have pieces of me out in the world, how amazing it is to study small features and compare who those features resemble.

I can't imagine what life would be like without My Michelle and Sophia. Life is better because of these beautiful little girls, my world could crumble at my feet and so long as I have the Three loves of my life It's a good day.

Before I was a Mom...

Bits and pieces...

It has been some time since my last post.  I have been consumed lately with balancing life. Being Mama to two and nanny to two more is exhausting! I must say it is worth every second, as life right now is quite rewarding. I never thought I would love dandelions so much. There is something wonderful about weeds when they come from the fat fingers of a pre-schooler who knows not that they actually have the potential to kill all the beautiful flowers and that they in fact are nothing more than weeds. In the weeks past I have had hundreds handed to me yet somehow there are still hundreds more to be picked weekly. This is just one of those things I do not think I will ever understand.

The girls are growing like wildflowers do and make each day more interesting than the last.  The eldest one is giving us a difficult time still with her eating habits, but I truly believe that with perseverance and continued persistence she will eventually just eat what is put in front of her. Hey a Mom can dream right?

The baby was christened on April 19th. We had beautiful weather and the day was just perfect!

She wore the same dress Michelle wore at hers which consists of the dress I wore when I was christened 27 years ago and bits and pieces from the wedding dresses of my mother, his Mother and his grand mother. The dress is just beautiful. (as usual you can click on the images to make them larger)

Last post Hubby and I were car shopping. We ended up purchasing a 2009 Chevy Traverse. It's black cherry in color with tan leather interior.  I LOVE THIS CAR! So far my favorite feature is the power lift gate, with the 7 passenger seating a close second. It is really nice being able to put four kids in the car and have everyone be comfortable. It's also really nice to be able to fold the extra seats down when necessary for extra trunk space. There are however a lot of buttons on the center console, and I still have not figured out all of the features and I have had it a month already!

On Monday, April 13th Grand mom died. It had been about one year since she was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. This was a tough and seemingly fast moving illness for her we thought she was in remission, but it certainly did not last long.  After a hard battle he finally called her home to peace. 

I must say I was surprised by how hard her passing hit me. I truly did not expect her death to affect me the way it has. In hindsight I believe that the reason our relationship as of late was so strained had everything to do with events surrounding her only son, my uncle and her maternal instinct to protect her baby.  I wish I had the ability and the want to understand this long before now so that I may apologise for words spoken that otherwise I may never have uttered.  I once complained of her presence in my hospital room after the birth of my first born, because I was irritated with her protection of my Uncle and will to defend him regardless of how idiotic it seemed. Not until Sophia arrived did I realize how much I actually wanted her there- How much it meant to me that she made the trip to see her newest great-grandchild regardless of the fact that I had not been to see her or made any effort to include her in my life because I was angry.

Seeing her in her last few weeks with my daughters was one of the hardest things I have witnessed. Harder for me than seeing her lifeless, waiting to be returned to the earth. 

Seeing her interact with the baby on good Friday, the last time I heard her say "I love you"  and watching her stare at my little girls still haunts me. Watching her kiss the baby's cheeks and stare at her face, watching her hug Michelle, tell her she was "full of soup" and remind her to be a good girl was gut wrenching. I never expected goodbye to be so hard. I never thought goodbye would be so soon. 

I never expected goodbye to hurt the way it still does.

Tomorrow is her 71st birthday. Even in the worst years we still always talked tomorrow, even if it was only for a short time.  I won't be calling tomorrow for the first time and it hurts.

Gram, I hope you're enjoying your first few weeks wherever you are. I'm sure you're enjoying being with your mom, dad and granddaughter again. Pain free and peaceful yet probably still to this day raising some kind of hell...

Until next time...

One Month

The little one is now one month old! I can not believe how quickly the time has passed!

She had a doctors appointment on Wednesday for a well check and is now weighing 7lbs 11 ounces and is 21.5 inches in length.

She had her second Hep B shot as well, and I think the shot bothered her big sister more than it bothered her. It was sweet to see how much big sis cares for her little sister.

I still can not believe I am a Mama of two sweet little angels. I also can not believe that the baby weighs now what the Midget weighed at 2 weeks old!

As for temperment- the little one is great! She only cries when wet or hungry, and seems to lack the usual "fussy time" most infants have at certain times of the day. I hope she stays this way, because it truly makes things easier on mommy :)

I am still exclusively nursing, and am very excited that we have passed the one month mark with no issues. I didn't have it as easy the first time around, so I am elated that we are doing so well!!
I'm adjusting to lack of sleep. SLOWLY adjusting, but nonetheless adjusting. Some days are harder than others, but it is what it is.

Her baptism is scheduled, so were working on that now. I can not wait for everyone to finally meet her!!!

Hubby and I are car shopping, so when we finally buy something I'll post some pics. I hope to have this done by tomorrow :) SUPER EXCITING!!!!

My sister comes in from Tucson for a visit at the end of this week which I am very much looking forward to. Beyond that- nothing too new to report!

I hope everyone is well!

Until next time...

5 Years...

Today My husband and I celebrate 5 wonderful years married.

I love you baby! The last eleven years of my life have been absolutely wonderful and I have you to thank for that.
We have grown a lot since being married 5 years ago

We have a lovely home, 2 beautiful little girls, and enough love to fill the grand canyon.

Thank you for being my partner and very best friend. I love you and look forward to spending many more happy years by your side.

I love you!

New additions...

Our household has grown by TWO feet!!!

On February 23rd, 2008 we welcomed our newest addition to the family.

I give you Sophia Laine 6lbs, 15oz 20.25 inches born at 4:47pm

The last few weeks have been busy, but we are managing. The midget is adjusting nicely and Sophia is really doing well!! She sleeps ok for the most part, but this Mommy is having a hard time adjusting to not being able to have coffee and little to no sleep. Regardless of how tired I am, at the end of the day it is all worth it. She is finally here and she is the picture of perfection!

I am still taking it easy and trying to get some sort of schedule established. Michelle is doing a great job as a big sister and adjusting very well! I couldnt be prouder! She is a great big help and is absolutely head over heels in love with this baby!!

I took some new photos of the girls the other day and I love them!!!! (click the pictures to view larger)

Sophia loves the bath and isnt afraid of the camera!! We are definitely in trouble with 2 blue eyed beauties on our hands!! I still can not get over how much Sophia looks like Michelle did as a baby.

Enjoy the first installment of photos, I am sure there will be many many more in the weeks to come!!

Until next time...

"Snow" much fun!!!

Yes, I'm a dork, but I couldn't resist. That is the title that popped into my head as I started downloading the pictures from this mornings romp in the snow with Midget.

Before you all start panicking, I personally did not do much as far as playing in the snow goes, I pretty much watched Midget run around like a lunatic and took some pictures. I did pull her around in the sled for a few minutes which I equate to lifting someone in water- for some reason when it's fresh powder the sled is lighter than air. I'm not a physicist, so I could be wrong, but that's what she felt like :)

Here are a few pics-

This one is from a few weeks ago :)

She had to wear sunglasses... reflective properties of snow are amazing! Morning sun was blinding!

Me pulling her in the sled

Her Pulling dolly in the sled

She was "snowboarding"

I love this one!

My creative "belly shot" Almost go time!

Until next time...

It's finally done!

As some of you know we have been renovating our master bathroom for what seems like eons. Truth be told it really was torn apart for an obscene amount of time, which to save my husband from embarrassment will remain unmentioned. Just know- it really was obscene.

ANYWAY- I can't wait to share!!!

Here is what the bathroom looked like when we bought the house 5 years ago. I can not locate photos of changes we made to update a little since having moved in.

BEFORE

I don't have any more than these few. The bathroom is divided into 2 rooms which is kinda neat, and it was U-G-L-Y before :)

AFTER

The new vanity is free standing and just BEAUTIFUL! The tile on the floor matches the tile in the shower which now runs from the tub to the ceiling. The top half of the walls paint color is called "Chasing Chocolate" the pictures truly do not do it justice. (The bottom half and all of the trim is bright white)

The only complaint I have about the room is the shower doors. I absolutely loathe having to clean clear glass shower doors. We have hard water so cleaning the doors is not an easy task.

Aside from that I could not be happier! What do you think?

Fun with Paint...

Today was a cold, snowy day. The Midget and I had a lovely day. She attended Dance class this morning then after lunch took a nap. When she woke we played a few rousing games of Elefun, Let's go Fishing and a bean bag toss before deciding to spend the rest of the day covered in paint :)

Here are her masterpiece's...

And here is mine.

I think I'll hang this one in the Midget's room. It's been so long since I have painted anything substantial, but I had a canvas laying around and figured I'd give it a go, I can't wait to hang it!

Until next time...

A little bit of everything...

It's been a while. With the hustle and bustle of the holiday's I have not had as much time to write as I would like. This is not saying I don't have many ideas running through my head, just no time to put them out there. That said- Tonight you get a mixed bag, or a little bit of everything...

Christmas was great! The Midget had a wonderful day and really really really LOVES Santa. I think I will need to buy a bigger house just to store all the things she got. She has spent the days since Christmas taking it all in and thoroughly enjoying herself.

Christmas Day was also my birthday. I turned 25 for the 3rd time (translate- 27, but who's counting anyway)

New Years was a tad disappointing for me. I was in great company, but I was still a bit bummed because Hubby ended up working New Years Eve and New Years Day. This was the first New Year in 11 that I rang in without a kiss from my honey and that was a touch upsetting. There is always next year. The Midget seemed to enjoy herself New Years Eve as well seeing as she got to "Stay up ALLLLLLL Night and eat anything I want!" I let her pick her own special snacks and stay up playing the Wii all night. She made it to see the ball drop, decline her sparkling grape juice toast and promptly pass out at 12:30.

My pregnancy is progressing nicely. I had another check up this past Monday and am a-ok! Despite all of the crap I ate over the holiday's I managed to not gain even so much as an ounce. This puts my weight gain at just 21lbs with 7 1/2 weeks left until the little one is to make her grand entrance into this crazy world.

My Hubby and I have spent the last week re-doing the living room furniture, and are quite pleased with the outcome :) After driving to almost every Target store between Warrington & Allentown we were finally able to get all of the pieces to a set and are enjoying a living room with furniture that FINALLY ALL MATCHES! It only took us 8 years of co-habitation to accomplish this mind you, but it sure is nice :)

And now to funny stuff...

It sounds awful, but I actually locked myself in my powder room yesterday just so I could get away from the constant questions of an inquisitive 3 year old. In five minutes time I got...

{jiggling of the door handle} MAMA! OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!

{Scratch scratch scratch} WHIIIIINNE.... (the dog wanted in too)

{knock knock} Hon, are you OK? When is dinner?

Seriously- can't I just have 5 minutes peace????

-------------

My favorite lines from the last few weeks...

"Mommy, your tummy is DISAPPEARING!" (in response to the fact that my belly button appears to be going away)

"See mom, I'm not bitching about this one!" (she overheard me complaining to Hubby about how all she does is "bitch" that she doesn't like the character on the side of her yogurt containers...)

"WOW! The TV upstairs has Caillou!" (Daddy showed her that the TV in our room had ON Demand. Now I'm officially unable to go into ANY room without the threat of a child bugging me)

And last but not least, the funniest thing I have heard yet-

Porn industry seeks $5 billion federal bailout.

Need I say more?

Until next time...