It has been some time since my last post. I have been consumed lately with balancing life. Being Mama to two and nanny to two more is exhausting! I must say it is worth every second, as life right now is quite rewarding. I never thought I would love dandelions so much. There is something wonderful about weeds when they come from the fat fingers of a pre-schooler who knows not that they actually have the potential to kill all the beautiful flowers and that they in fact are nothing more than weeds. In the weeks past I have had hundreds handed to me yet somehow there are still hundreds more to be picked weekly. This is just one of those things I do not think I will ever understand.
The girls are growing like wildflowers do and make each day more interesting than the last. The eldest one is giving us a difficult time still with her eating habits, but I truly believe that with perseverance and continued persistence she will eventually just eat what is put in front of her. Hey a Mom can dream right?
The baby was christened on April 19th. We had beautiful weather and the day was just perfect!
She wore the same dress Michelle wore at hers which consists of the dress I wore when I was christened 27 years ago and bits and pieces from the wedding dresses of my mother, his Mother and his grand mother. The dress is just beautiful. (as usual you can click on the images to make them larger)
Last post Hubby and I were car shopping. We ended up purchasing a 2009 Chevy Traverse. It's black cherry in color with tan leather interior. I LOVE THIS CAR! So far my favorite feature is the power lift gate, with the 7 passenger seating a close second. It is really nice being able to put four kids in the car and have everyone be comfortable. It's also really nice to be able to fold the extra seats down when necessary for extra trunk space. There are however a lot of buttons on the center console, and I still have not figured out all of the features and I have had it a month already!
On Monday, April 13th Grand mom died. It had been about one year since she was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. This was a tough and seemingly fast moving illness for her we thought she was in remission, but it certainly did not last long. After a hard battle he finally called her home to peace.
I must say I was surprised by how hard her passing hit me. I truly did not expect her death to affect me the way it has. In hindsight I believe that the reason our relationship as of late was so strained had everything to do with events surrounding her only son, my uncle and her maternal instinct to protect her baby. I wish I had the ability and the want to understand this long before now so that I may apologise for words spoken that otherwise I may never have uttered. I once complained of her presence in my hospital room after the birth of my first born, because I was irritated with her protection of my Uncle and will to defend him regardless of how idiotic it seemed. Not until Sophia arrived did I realize how much I actually wanted her there- How much it meant to me that she made the trip to see her newest great-grandchild regardless of the fact that I had not been to see her or made any effort to include her in my life because I was angry.
Seeing her in her last few weeks with my daughters was one of the hardest things I have witnessed. Harder for me than seeing her lifeless, waiting to be returned to the earth.
Seeing her interact with the baby on good Friday, the last time I heard her say "I love you" and watching her stare at my little girls still haunts me. Watching her kiss the baby's cheeks and stare at her face, watching her hug Michelle, tell her she was "full of soup" and remind her to be a good girl was gut wrenching. I never expected goodbye to be so hard. I never thought goodbye would be so soon.
I never expected goodbye to hurt the way it still does.
Tomorrow is her 71st birthday. Even in the worst years we still always talked tomorrow, even if it was only for a short time. I won't be calling tomorrow for the first time and it hurts.
Gram, I hope you're enjoying your first few weeks wherever you are. I'm sure you're enjoying being with your mom, dad and granddaughter again. Pain free and peaceful yet probably still to this day raising some kind of hell...
Until next time...
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