Loss

It has been a while since I last wrote. Inspiration just has not struck much lately.
Quick recap on our world:

The Midget is doing very very well! I have enrolled her in an early pre-school for the fall because I figure it is my responsibility as her parent to give her every single opportunity I can. I can not say I am completely okay with the concept of my three-year-old; my baby going off to school, but I find comfort in knowing it is only 2 days a week for 2 hours at a time. In the bigger picture- that's 2 hours ME time. Time for me to read, write, shop. What ever will I do with myself when given 4 WHOLE hours to myself???

Hubby is working a lot and doing well. The cat is still mousing and now the dog has joined her in her quest to rid the earth of rodents and I must admit it is quite disgusting.

We have added a few newts to our list of pets as of late. We got some Japanese fire bellied newts. They're like fish you can hold. beyond that I am not sure of the thrill, but the midget is fascinated by them so I guess that is all which matters.

As for me. I'm here. I'm surviving and making the best of my days. This month brought fabulous news and just as quickly as the news was good it was bad. Miscarriage number 3 for this year and I am devastated.

Loss.

The word has so many meanings and yet once again the word has flooded my world so I turn to my outlet to vent.
You can lose your mind, your wallet, a loved one, your car keys. You can be at a loss financially or just completely bewildered;puzzled and at a loss for words.

Not much mutes this ever opinionated woman.
It often takes quite a lot to rattle me.

The losses I have experienced over the course of the last year have been nothing less than earth shattering even if for a short while. Each time I tell myself that this happens every day. God does not hand us anything more than we can handle. Maybe the time just is not right.

I wish the man upstairs would just hurry up and give me some sort of sign; tell me what the plan is because it is becoming increasingly more difficult to talk to my little girl about the sister she "has to have" I believe she is bored with status-quo. I would love nothing more than to be able to tell her that the sister she has been asking for (for the better part of this last year) will finally be arriving.

I am 26.
I am for the most part in good health.
I have one healthy child.

Outwardly I should not have an issue. I wish someone would tell the rest of me however, because I can't seem to make it past the first few critical weeks.

On Thursday I will be seeing a fertility specialist to have some testing done and review our options. I pray they will have some answers for me. 3 is enough. I however am not ready to give up just yet, so keep your cross-ables crossed in hopes that these last 3 were just all a part of the plan and that the next pregnancy yields the next Einstein.

Until next time...